The Royal Knights' Return
by Py687
Summary: Remedies for the Ill 2. The second installment in a collaborative series by DigiDrew and PY687 themselves, this is a story about a person, Py, and a Numemon buddy of his, Drew. Look at their profiles to learn more about the story.
1. Revenge of the Royal Knights

Hello again, people! This is the second installment of mine and Drew's hilarious story. Criticize as heavily/lightly as you wish, so our "funny" antics can be improved! Thanks! Oh, and it's also in script format - the way Drew and I _originally_ did it in the Digimon CCG forums, private-messaging each other, and now emailing.

And the things in parentheses? We used asteriks first, but FanFiction's weird censoring/editing thing makes 'em not appear. They're used for any actions done, so it's not _entirely_ a script...

P.S. When I posted this story, Drew hadn't finished editing the first one, so sorry about this people. You can blame him with his (current) penname, DigiDrew. Have fun doing _that_!

* * *

Chapter I: Revenge of the Royal Knights

_Somewhere in a Dumpster_

Pygor: Marthter, I think I've found a thpare body!  
Count Drew: Why, I think you have! Come, we shall take the Greymon body!  
Pygor: Yeth, Marthter. (carries heavy body with three arms)  
Omnimon: Not so fast, you two.  
Count Drew: ...Er, do we know you?  
Omnimon: Ha ha, that's very funny.. Now take off your little mustaches, hats, cloaks, and other stuff. (tries to peel Count Drew's black mustache) Wow, did you two use super glue?  
Count Drew: Unhand my mustache this instant!

_Somewhere in Tokyo_

Drew: So this is the Real World...  
Py: So this is Tokyo...

_Somewhere in a Dumpster_

Narrator: Meanwhile, Omnimon continues to try to yank Count Drew's mustache off...  
Omnimon: Man! This thing won't budge... Here, let me do this: Transcendent Sword! (Omnimon's Grey Sword slices Count Drew's mustache clean off his face)  
Count Drew: AAAHHH!! What was that for?  
Pygor: I don't know Marthter, but I think he'th crathy...  
Omnimon: I am not "crathy!" I'm simply obsessed with getting my revenge, simpletons!

_Back in Tokyo..._

Drew: So, wanna go to China Town?  
Py: China Town? In Japan? 00  
Drew: We're in Japan?  
Py: Well, duh. Jeez…  
Drew: That explains the big monsters over there...  
Py: Why, I believe so. What, did you think we were in San Francisco?  
Drew: Well, sorry. I was busy with that other girl in the line getting safety provisions against Godzilla...she's so cute!  
Py: Harrumph. You can't even catch a cold!  
Drew: Hey, what's that...wait. That's a good thing; I wouldn't want to be sick.  
Py: You're not supposed to respond that way! You're supposed to be angry and insulted...who's writing this script?  
Narrator: None of your business; now get on with the story!  
Drew: Anyways...on with the story. (clears throat with "ahem") Hey, what's that mean? At least I'm not the one was trying to flirt with the old man next to us on the flight!  
Py: Uh...how was I supposed to know? He looked like a girl from behind!

_In the Digital World_

Omnimon: Ha, I got it off! Yes! Muahahaha! Now nothing can stand in the way of my revenge! You two shall perish, because I- hey, where are you running off to? ANSWER!  
Pygor: Marthter, fathter! The pthyco ith cathing up!  
Count Drew: Curse him for ruining my beautiful mustache! I've been growing that one for years!  
Omnimon: SUPREME CANNON!!  
(Pygor turns around)  
Pygor: Thupreme Cannon? What'th that thuppothed to mean ...? gets hit AAAHH!! Marthter, Help me!  
Count Drew: Wait, stand right there! Perfect! Now you're my shield!  
Pygor: But Marthter, I don't wanna be your thield!

_Back in Tokyo..._

Drew: Hey, Py! You gotta try this stuff! It's delicious!  
Py: That's sewage.  
Drew: Exactly! Now eat it!  
Py: Wait...what's this beeping from my Digivice mean?  
Drew: Hm, maybe there's trouble? I mean, it does say that underneath that weird picture.  
Py: Oh. Then, let's go!  
(enters mysterious portal that opened up)

_Back to Omnimon..._

Omnimon: Now, that was a satisfying ten minutes. Ahaha- what!? How did you two...I mean, what-?  
Count Drew: Well, it's called a Pygor. For sale at Ogremon's mechanical shop, a few hundred Bits only.  
Omnimon: And you're fine with it being destroyed?  
Count Drew: Certainly not! However, other Pygors can use the body parts, and at least I'm alive.

_On an island in the middle of nowhere..._

Tyrannomon: Pull my finger.  
Etemon: No!  
Tyrannomon: Pull it!  
Etemon: Ah, get that thing away from me!

_Drew and Py enter into the Digital World through the portal..._

Drew: Who knew that portal led to Digitamamon's restaurant?  
Py: Weird.  
Digitamamon: Welcome, weary travelers- HEY! It's you!  
Drew: Uh oh. We'd better run.  
Py: Why?  
Digitamamon: IT'S THE FREELOADER NUMEMON -GET HIM!  
Drew: Eek, let's skedaddle outta here.

_The camera motions to Count Drew..._

Count Drew: I knew going to the junkyard to get some more parts was a bad idea!  
Pygor's Head: Marthter, look out!  
(Count Drew ducks; Omnimon's sword barely misses his hair)  
Drew (a few yards away): Get away, Digitamamon! I told you, that race was rigged! I'll pay you- ah! Help, it's Omnimon!  
(runs back, bumping into Py as both fall down)

* * *

Oh, and unlike how I usually give out spoilers at the end of a chapter as signaled by the line-break, I don't have one this time. Sorry!

But to clear some things out, Drew owed Digitamamon some money, and tried betting to get it back. Turns out Drew not only chose a racer that wasn't even a Centarumon (as rules suggest using), it was a slow Unimon - who cheated by flying! Well, as you can imagine, Digitamamon was pretty upset by this, and Drew barely escaped.  
How did Drew owe Digitamamon money, and how much? Who cares, other than left-brained people?


	2. Drew Reveals All

Hey guys, just a quick note right here: from now on, the story will be as unabridged as possible (basicly, unedited), because I like to keep the originals and I'm too lazy. There - it's out!

Anyways, guys and gals, just have fun reading this. Sorry about the short chapter, but uh, Drew and I couldn't really help it...

* * *

Chapter II: Drew Reveals All

Drew: Hehe...h-hi Omnimon...  
Omnimon: W-what?! Since when are there two of YOU?  
Count Drew: Are you comparing me to that pile of poop?  
Drew: Hey! I resent that! Although I DO like poop...  
Pygor's head: Erm...Marthter?  
Count Drew: What is it, you doofus?!  
Pygor's head: There'th an egg running toward uth!  
Digitamamon: GET THAT NUMEMON!!  
Py: Digitamamon, move aside so my Dorumon can beat you!  
Digitamamon: Oh, pardon me. Here you go.  
Py: Thanks. Come on, Dorumon, Warp-Digivolve!  
(Dorumon Warp-Digivolves into Alphamon)  
Digitamamon: Ah! You'll pay for this, DigiDrew...  
Digitamamon runs off, as Py stops Alphamon

_Meanwhile, on an uncharted island..._

Tyrannomon: Aw, c'mon! Just pull it already!  
Etemon: NEVER!!  
(Etemon jumps into the ocean only to be eaten alive by a horde of angry Gomamon)  
Tyrannomon: Oh, well...  
(Tyrannomon pulls his own finger, explosion occurs)

_Back to Drew and Py's predicament…_

Py: Alphamon, let him go. We have other concerns...  
(Py motions toward Omnimon, who is trying to sneak off)  
Alphamon: Right! Digitalize of Soul!  
(Alphamon zaps Omnimon with a beam of light from the palm of his hand)  
Drew: Great! This is working out perfectly! Mr. Tinkles, rearrange Omnimon's face!  
(Drew's pet SkullGreymon, Mr. Tinkles, grabs Omnimon and slaps him many times)  
Omnimon: Gah! Stop that!  
Count Drew: That'll teach him to rip off my mustache!  
Pygor: Yeah! You're the betht, Marthter!  
Py: Hey! We're doing all the work!  
Alphamon: What? What do you mean we?!  
Py: Well, who took care of you and raised you? Hm?  
Alphamon: Ha, it was only a game to you!  
Py: Before I knew you were real.  
Drew: I'm feeling left out of the action.  
Omnimon: Bah, I'm getting Sleipmon's help in this. (flies off)  
Count Drew: Well, off to my castle to finish my creation! Thanks for the help, simple-minded fools whom my creature shall kill one day.  
Pygor: Yeth, thankth to you all. Now, begone before my marthter thetth hith petth againtht you.  
(Count Drew and Pygor both leave our two stranded protagonists)

* * *

It may be kinda hard to read the chapters without double-spacing, so sorry to those people. But I won't know if it's difficult if you don't tell me, so please do when you review! And anonymous ones are always accepted by me...


	3. Drew and Py versus Count Drew's DDDDD

Hi again. This is pretty much unabridged, except that I had put "insert name here" instead of Kimeramon during Pygor's second turn to talk in this chapter. Otherwise, please review!

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Chapter Three: Drew and Py versus Count Drew's Doom-Bringing, Deadly, Dizzying, Digimon of Destruction

_In Count Drew's Castle_

Count Drew: Well, those simpletons sure messed up our project, eh Pygor? But let's not dally; we've got a monster to build!  
Pygor: Here're the legth...and the horn; oh, don't forget the wingth and thtuff!  
Count Drew: Now, if only I could remember what the creature was to be named...  
Pygor: Oh Marthter, it wath Kimeramon!  
Count Drew: Er, right.  
Narrator: Yeah, next time look at the Prologue. Unless you - ahem - lost the prologue (not that I'm naming any names).  
(Drew walks in through the front door)  
Drew: Yeah! What kind of idiot would do that?!  
(Py walks in after him)  
Py: Um...you.  
Drew: Oh...so that's what that was...  
Count Drew: What are those bozos doing in here! I thought I locked the back door!  
Pygor: Perhapth they walked in through the front door, Marthter.  
Count Drew: We have a front door?  
(Drew drew out a pen and drew a Drew (himself) onto a paper, labeled Drew)  
Drew: And now to use my special Numemon power...to create things from my drawings!  
Py: Hey, how come you've never used it before?  
Drew: Because the authors hadn't come up with the idea yet.  
(quickly, Pygor activated the life-giving machine before Count Drew ordered him to, thus giving the Kimeramon (hm, sure sounds familiar) life)  
Pygor: It'th ALIVE!!  
Count Drew: Hey, I was gonna say that!  
(Count Drew suddenly realizes what had happened)  
Count Drew: Hey! You activated the machine without my permission!  
Pygor: Who needth your permithion!  
Drew: Break it up, guys!  
Pygor: Who athked you?!  
Drew: Fine. Say, "She sells sea shells by the sea shore."  
Pygor: The thells thea thells by the thea thore.  
(Drew, Py, Count Drew, and Kimeramon burst out laughing)  
Omnimon: I don't get it.  
Count Drew: Hey, I thought I locked the front door this time!  
Omnimon: Oh, sorry. I went through the windows.  
Kimeramon: Yummy, food!  
(Kimeramon lunges at Omnimon and starts biting his sword)  
Omnimon: You loser! Get offa my sword!  
Count Drew: It takes one to know one!  
Pygor: Nithe comeback, Marthter.  
Count Drew: Thank you, Pygor.  
Pygor: I wath being tharcathtic.  
Omnimon: Yeah, that sucked.  
Count Drew: Well, at least I have a comback.  
Omnimon: ...  
Py: Wow, that was actually a good one!  
Drew: It was?  
Count Drew: It was a comeback?  
Kimeramon: I'm feeling left out. I mean, nobody's been mentioning much things about me.  
(Kimeramon walks out of the laboratory)  
Pygor: Sweetheart, wait!  
Count Drew: Er, what did you just say?  
Pygor: Well, here'th the thing. I'm made up of theparate partth, and tho is Kimeramon. And I kinda altered her data to become more feminine. Hey, I wath getting lonely! You can't blame me, Marthter...  
Count Drew: That's, it, back to the drawing board again. Gotta make a better Pygor this time. And get rid of that jiggling left eye.  
Drew: Well, that was unexpected.  
Py: Yeah.  
Omnimon: So...what should we do now?  
Drew: Why don't you go jump in a lake?  
Omnimon: Good idea!  
(Omnimon jumps out the window and runs to a lake)  
Omnimon: Hey, wait a minute!  
(Omnimon stops before jumping)  
Omnimon: I'm not that stupid!  
Drew: Yes, you are! (zaps dummy-ray)  
Py: Whoo, I didn't know you could do that.  
Drew: Neither could I. But we've got awesome authors on...  
Omnimon: Must. Jump. In a. Lake. (goes into a pond, cannonballing)  
Py: He's stupid now, alright. A pond's not a lake.  
Drew: Yeah. Hey, what happened to Count Drew?  
Py: He went to build a better Pygor, remember?  
Drew: Oh, right. It's getting kinda boring without the old coot. Omnimon, you idiot, go find Count Drew!  
Omnimon: Must. Find. Count. Drew.  
(Omnimon leaves and comes back with a rabbit)  
Py: Am I missing something? That doesn't look like Count Drew...  
Newly-Edited Pygor: he changed into that, by accidentally using his new machine.  
Py: His lisp is gone!  
Drew: Drats! And just as I thought of an insult...  
Omnimon: What the...I'm back to normal again! Eh, I suppose Drew's rays can't last forever. I'm outta here! (Omnimon flies off)  
Drew: Well, the chapter should be over now!  
Py: But...we haven't exactly faced Count Drew's Digimon. I don't call that encounter with Kimeramon a face-off.  
Drew: I think PY687 Co-Author is losing his touch. But DigiDrew Co-Author did come up with that title...  
Narrator: And with that in mind, the two heroes, Drew and Py, set off into the sunset...  
(Drew trips Py. Py falls into the mud. Drew laughs maniacally)  
Drew: HAHAHAHAHA!! What a great ending!  
(Py jumps up and chases Drew into the sunset)

* * *

And uh, sorry about that "ending" if it seemed a tad weird. Maybe it's stereotypical thinking, but it seemed girlish. Just a thought, of course...


	4. Tailmon's Monly Tales

Hi again. The beginning of the chapter - what with the little bit of narration - was only a small part of mine and Drew's conversation. Even though I was the one who came up with it...

* * *

Chapter IV: Tailmon's Monly Tales

_In a Dark Hangar with Actors around_

Narrator: We begin this chapter as Py is so lazy and consumed with loads of homework, that he hands the second lines over to Drew to write. He also urges Drew (does he?) to change the title if it does not meet Drew's standards. Or if he just feels so compelled to do so...  
DigiDrew: Hm, lemme see – nope! I guess I think the title's okay. I only hope PY687 and I don't stray off of the topic (chapter name) too much. (prays)  
Director Derek: What, praying? Who needs that when you're got rabbits' feet?

_At a Japanese Park_

(Drew and Py come riding in on a two-seater bicycle)  
Py: Drew, why don't you help me out a little here! I'm pedaling for both of us!  
Drew: No can do, Py. I don't have legs, remember?  
Py: But I thought you claimed that you had seventeen legs at one time!  
Drew: Yeah, right. Well, about that...hey, look out!  
(bike swerves around kissing couple)  
Drew: Ew, that's just disgusting…and out in the public, too?  
Py: Pfft, you're just not the romantic type! And anyways, use your hands to help me if possible, moron!  
Drew (in German Accent): Ah! How dare you suggest such a vulgar activity to a famous Numemon like Drew! He will, from now on, not speak to such a disgusting man until he wishes to. (waves Py away)  
Py: I'm a woman!  
(Drew is flabbergasted like so: O.O)  
Py: No, I just say that for a few laughs. Seems like it has no effect on you though...  
Drew: (German accent) And you expected it to on the Great Drew? How dare-  
Old Gatomon: 'Scuse me, gentlemen!  
Py: Ah! stops pedaling, bicycle flips over  
Gatomon: Do you happen to have a degree in foot massaging?  
Drew (in German Accent): Eh, not me – but this vulgar human does.  
Py: What? No, I don't–  
Gatomon: Oh! Do you? Why thank you, sonny! (pulls Py off bike before he can finish)  
Py: begins to rub the old Gatomon's feet I'll get you for this, Drew!  
Drew (in German Accent): cackles insanely Oh, but I am not Drew! I am really Blitz Shenanigan in disguise! Muahahaha!  
Py: Oh my gosh! What did you do to Drew?  
Blitz Shenanigan (in German Accent): I'm not telling "yew!"

_On Uncharted Island_

Tyrannomon: Pull my finger.  
Drew: No, you pull mine!  
Tyrannomon: You don't even have a finger!  
Drew: Good point. Maybe I should jump off like you last victim– I mean, friend. Hehe…  
Tyrannomon: Why you stinking cur…!  
Drew: My, look at the time! I gotta leave for...er, practice on my... flute. Yup, that's right.  
(Drew swims away, leaving Tyrannomon, who somehow just disappears. In fact, everything stops, because there is something wrong with the space-time continuum.)  
Drew: What nonsense is this? In fact, who is the one who started all of this impersonation?  
Py: Hm, guess – probably someone whose name starts with a "p."  
Drew: Ach, I can't even get a straight answer! Someone with a "p…" Well, whatever. How're we gonna fix this mess?  
Blitz Shenanigan: Hah, both of you have fallen in my trap! You shall perish in this land!  
(Blitz teleports away, leaving Drew and Py at the Royal Knights' Base)  
Py: Hey, this looks familiar...look, there we are!  
Drew: (gasp) We're saving your Digimon all over again!  
Py: Yeah, from the last story. Um, I mean last month.  
Narrator: Py did not mess up; did you readers hear? Now, continue with the story.  
Drew: So, right. Maybe we have to somehow help ourselves, without the old us seeing us! Or something like that...  
Py: Why'd you think that?  
Drew: Shows're always like that! Especially overrated ones.  
Drew: So, we went back in time?  
Py: Looks that way...  
Omnimon: Not you again! I thought I beat you guys up just a little while ago!  
Drew: Um, those were our twins...Crew and Wy...  
Omnimon: Oh, my bad...  
(Omnimon walks off, leaving them to their own business)  
Py: Next time, let _me_ come up with the names... But wait, this story has taken a turn for the worst. The chapter name doesn't even match the plot!  
Drew: Then let's go back in time and fix what we did...  
Narrator: The story pauses here, as the two authors flip through their pages of notes and find the perfect spot...

_A few Hours ago_

Blitz: No can do, Py. No legs, remember?  
Past Py: Didn't you say you- whoa, who're they?  
(Py and Drew walk out, not knowing Py's past seeing them)  
Drew: Ah, cripes! Why did the two authors have to do this? Now the space-time continuum will be out of control.  
Present Py: But there's usually a limited time before that, so the heroes can undo a single mistake...  
Drew: What! Stupid author PY687!  
Blitz: Get out of here! You're ruining my evil scheme!  
Past Py: W-what?!  
Blitz: Erm...I mean, get out of here...you're ruining...um...my...totally non-evil scheme!  
Drew: Come on, Py, we've gotta go find that Gatomon!  
Past Py and Present Py: Coming!  
Drew: Not you, other Py! Come on, Py!  
Past Py: Why am I 'other Py'?! I was here first!  
Present Py: We're the same person, ding dong!  
Past Py: Ding dong? But if I'm you, then...?  
Present Py: Oh...! Whoopsie daisies.  
Drew: No time! Come! Blitz Shenanigan will soon be able to teleport the past Py...  
Past Py: Who's Blitz- ah! (teleported away)  
Blitz: Ah ha! And now, to get rid of you two, become a fake Royal Knight, betray them, and take over the Digital World! Muaha- (coughs, wheezes) -ha ha!  
Drew and Present Py: (glance at each other) We're doomed.  
(Blitz teleports away, leaving a swirl of dust to suffocate our heroes)  
Py: (coughs) Eh, I can't believe it! If the guy's gonna be a villain, can't he _at least_ be a neat one? Ew…  
Drew: I dunno, maybe it's not in their rulebook that they received at school.  
Py: What rulebook? Oh, you mean this one? (shows Drew a rulebook on villainy)  
Drew: (nods vigorously) Yep, I think that's the one Blitz dropped! Clumsy ol' guy…just leave it at a nearby police station, so he can claim it again later.  
(the duo leave for one, and meet outside of the station afterwards)


	5. Gatomon's Gatoey Tails

You know the drill: read and review! So, here's the next (long-awaited?) chapter of Remedies for the Ill, 2.

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Chapter V: Gatomon's Gato-ey Tails

_Outside of the Police Station in Japan_

Drew: Wait, where's that Gatomon!  
Past Py: Oh, I saw her a few minutes ago. I had to massage her feet.  
Drew and Present Py: Let's go!  
(Drew and Py run off)  
Blitz: Hey! Where do you think you're going?!  
(Past Drew runs up to Blitz)  
Past Drew: Hi, guys! Hey, where's Py, and why do you like me?!  
Py: After Gatomon! She must be in cahoots with Blitz...  
Drew: Wait, is that- huzzah, I've found the evil hag!  
(Gatomon, with a sinister face, tempts a pair of Tsunomon to crawl into her bag, promising them candy later)  
Py: ...Those poor little Tsunomon... (sobs)  
Drew: Come'n, we've gotta get her! (trips)  
(Py bravely tackles Gatomon, who (surprisingly) shakes him off, caught by Drew)  
Drew: Ooph! You heavy oaf!  
Gatomon: So, you've caught on to my sinister plan! Hehehehe...  
Drew: Agh! Her laugh is annoying!  
Gatomon: No it isn't! Hehehehehehe...  
Py: You're right, Drew. It is annoying!  
Gatomon: Tyrannomon, get them!  
(The Tyrannomon that was on the island in the middle of nowhere suddenly appears behind Drew and Py)  
Drew: Gah! It's that crazy finger-pulling Tyrannomon!  
Tyrannomon: Hahaha! Gotcha!  
(Tyrannomon grabs Drew and flings him into a conveniently placed ditch)  
Py: Uh oh.  
(Gatomon grins evilly)  
Tyrannomon: You're trapped now; give up!  
Gatomon: Hey, that's my line! Lemme read the script... (takes script, scannning)  
Py: I'm gonna pull your finger!  
Tyrannomon: Hey, what? (distracted)  
(Py escapes Tyrannomon's grasp, rushes over to Drew)  
Drew: Okay, now that Gatomon's reading the script, we- but that's not in the script (shouts off-screen) !  
Py: IMPROVISE, Drew. Sheesh...  
Drew: Right, right. Uh, and, like I was saying...er...right! I throw my sleep-inducing poop at her, and-  
Py: You're got sleep-inducing poop?  
Drew: Improvisation, remember? Anyway, I do that, you pull Tyrannomon's finger again, and we'll take'em to Blitz by riding the space-time continuum...even though that's not possible. But at least I'm improvising!  
Py: Um, right. Let's go! Happy Pony Land, here we come!  
Drew: Er...Happy...Pony Land?  
Py: Yeah, sure, why not?  
Drew: Oh, nothing.  
(Drew and Py instantly teleport to Happy Pony Land)  
Purple Pony Princess: Welcome to Happy Pony Land, little girls.  
Drew and Py: WHAAAAT?!  
Drew: We're not little girls!  
Py: I'm a guy, and Drew's a poop-throwing snail!  
Drew: Ahem...I'm a slug.  
Py: Right. What'd I say?  
(Gatomon and Tyrannomon appear behind them)  
Gatomon: HAHA!! We improvised as well! Now you will not escape!  
(whistle blows)  
Drew: Oh wait, teatime! Thank goodness for that break...  
Py: Hey, Mike? Can you hand me that script, buddy? I'd appreciated it.  
Mike: Sure thing, man. I envy you guys...get to be the main characters of a story... I wonder when I'm gonna get that raise.  
(five minutes later)  
Director: Move it, people; we've got a deadline for this production!  
Gatomon: I need my makeup; hold on a sec...okay, ready!  
Narrator: The break is now over. On with the story.  
Drew: Eureka! My grandmother and her boyfriend, Gallantmon!  
Py: Dukemon!  
Drew: Gallantmon! Uh, wait a minute - what does that have to do with anything?  
(Py shrugs)  
Py: But so what?  
Drew: Grandma, help us from this Gatomon! She's a...er, stalker, and that Tyrannomon is her accomplice!  
Drew's Grandmother: (angry tone) Why you rascals, scaring my grandson! Let'em have it, Dukey! (Py says, "ha!")  
(Gallantmon attacks the two enemies, who somehow get frozen in ice)  
Drew: Now to get Blitz!  
Drew's Grandmother: Drewey? But why are you getting your ex-grandfather?  
(Drew gasps)  
Py: I could certainly see the resemblance...  
Drew: M-my...grandfather...  
Py: Hmm...we're in quite a predicament here...so, Granny, did you and Blitz get divorced?  
Granny Platinum: Um, you could say that...  
Gallantmon: WHAT?!  
Blitz: Hi, everybody! How's it going?  
(Everybody stares at Blitz)  
Blitz: What? Do I got something in my teeth?  
Gallantmon: I will not let you steal my woman!  
Blitz: Huh?  
Py: Hey, so your new grandfather will take care of Blitz, Drew! ...Drew?  
Drew: But then what about Tyrannomon and Gatomon...?  
Blitz Shenanigan: Oh, them? Gatomon's my new wife, and Tyrannomon's our oldest kiddie!  
(everyone else is speechless)  
Drew: Wait, then why did you want to get rid of your old grandson?  
Tsunomon who followed along after Drew/Py tackled Gatomon: Granddaddy, where are we?  
Py: (gulp) We just saved those Tsunomon from their own mother?  
Blitz Shenanigan: Not now, young'uns. Go play with your older brother. Drew, we're old people, and we haven't been so excited since...three-hundred years ago! So Gatty and I devised a great plan, to get our adrenaline pumping...  
Drew: And here I thought that this was an important mission...  
Py: Well, there's always next time!  
Narrator: This is the worst script ever designed. Is it PY687's fault or DigiDrew's?  
Director: Cut! I think it's time for the next chapter. Hey DigiDrew, you got that written yet?  
DigiDrew: What! whispers angrily When did you tell me to write Chapter Five? Grr...PY687 forgot to tell me. Again. Er...I mean, yeah. I gotta find it first, though. Gimme...a few days!


	6. Lords of the Thing

The next part of the story. (yawns) Oh, and I hope DigiDrew didn't take it personally midway into the story...

* * *

Chapter VI: Lords of the Thing

_On an Acting Set– er, I mean Someplace Dark_

Narrator: Here we join our heroes as they enter a small inn. They are wearing cloaks, you see. Well, you probably don't see them, because they are wearing cloaks, but you get my point.  
(Drew and Py waltz up to the innkeeper. Drew pulls the hood of his cloak back)  
Drew (in English Accent): I'm looking for a man named Gandalf.  
Py: You've seen that movie way too many times.  
Drew (still in English accent): Whatever do you mean, Pippin?  
Py: Gah! Stop calling me that!  
Drew: Just go along with it! I'm having fun! to the innkeeper My name is Mr. Overhill, and my companions and I wish to stay the night here.  
Innkeeper: Uh, sure. Go ahead. I'll show you to your room.  
Py: What companions? We're all alone!  
Drew: I've hired a few bodyguards. They should be here sometime soon.  
Py: Ah. I see.  
Bodyguard One: Hey now, grandson, what're we doing here?  
Drew: Granny! Don't expose my secret identity already, please...  
Bodyguard Two: Don't talk to my girlfriend that way!  
Py: (muttering) Oldies...  
Bodyguard Two: I heard that, you impotent fool! Perish beneath my Shield of Justice!  
Bodyguard One: Dukey! No violence here - and especially not with Drewey's friend here!  
Bodyguard Two: ...Fine. You will live as long as my girlfriend allows it. But just watch your back...  
Py: These're our 'bodyguards,' Drew?  
Drew: Look, play along! How many times do I- oh hi, Innkeeper. Is Gandalf available?  
Innkeeper: (sweaty and stammering) Not yet, my sirs. But, uh, have a seat...gentlemen.  
Drew: So, Py, what're we gonna do with this Thing?  
(Drew pulls a small ball of purple fuzz out of his pocket)  
Py: Gee, I dunno. What's it do again?  
Drew: You don't remember?  
Py: No.  
Drew: Well, that's just great! (sarcastically)  
Py: You don't remember either, do you?  
Drew: Eh, no.  
Py: Well, maybe we can ask it something.  
Drew: (laughs in bursts) It can talk, I'm sure!  
Thing: Hiya, peeps! I overheard your conversation...I hope you don't mind me eavesdropping.  
Drew: (speechless look)  
Py: Ha! ...Wait, what am I laughing about? We're on the same team.  
Drew: (gaping at the thing)  
Thing: Well, all I do is...entertain you guys.  
Py: Oh yeah, we bought him from that wizard-looking...guy... (gasps) Gandalf!  
Drew: (still dumbstruck)  
(Py takes Drew by ear)  
Py: sighs Come'n, Drew... It's gonna be a long haul to the wiz.  
Py: Hey, Rudolph!  
Gandalf: It's Gandalf.  
Py: Whatever. We need your help.  
Gandalf: Is the thing I sold you not to your liking?  
Drew: These nine weirdos in black cloaks attacked us! They said they wanted the thing!  
Gandalf: WHAAAAT?! Do you mean to tell me that this thing...is the thing?  
Py: Wha?  
Gandalf: When Middle Digital World was still young, many things were forged. Seven were given to the Drimogemon, who governed the mines. Three were given to the Woodmon, who dwelt in and protected the woods. And the final nine were given to the Angemon. These nine things corrupted the Angemon, causing them to become evil...  
Py: So they became...Devimon?  
Gandalf: Is that what you call them? Oh, we just call them Black Riders.  
Drew: But they weren't riding anything!  
Gandalf: Good point. Anyway, the Dark Lord Duskmon forged another thing...the one thing to rule them all...but it failed miserably, so he threw it away.  
Drew: Then why are those Devimon after us?  
Gandalf: Maybe they wanted your shoes.  
Drew: I don't wear shoes.  
Py: And for some reason, I'm not wearing shoes either!  
Gandalf: Why not?  
Py: Well, ever since the beginning of this chapter, I've been incredibly short, and have had hairy feet!  
Gandalf: Are you a Hobbitmon?  
Py: (looks down) Well...I wasn't.  
Drew: Anyways, we need help- wait! But then you can't be Gandalf...  
"Gandalf": How right you are, wise Numemon. I am a Piximon! Using magic.  
Py: How did we get here in the first place?  
Narrator: Space-time continuum mess-up when you saw your past, blah blah blah. Get it?  
Py: Alright, thanks. Well, Piximon, where to? And what about our Thing?  
Piximon: You must travel on foot - yes, on foot - to the dangerous land of Toytown, and give it to Monzaemon to destroy. But you must avoid the all-seeing eye of Omnimon. Understand?  
Drew: Yessir, Piximon!  
Narrator: And that is how Drew and Pippin...er...sorry, Py...set off on their journey. They courageously marched through deadly perils (well, Drew ran through them), destroyed evil Goburimon (who were working for Duskmon and the all-seeing eye of Omnimon), and they eventually made it to...the land of More-Doors!!  
Drew: Gah! I can't decide which door to go through!  
(Calumon flies in and begins speaking in an announcer's voice)  
Calumon: Which will it be? Door number one? Door number two? Or door number four?  
Py: What happened to door number three?  
Calumon: That's classified information. Only one of these doors is the right one! Behind the other two countless dangers await!  
Drew: Let's pick door four.  
Py: Why?  
Drew: Because four's a bigger number.  
Py: That's not logical! If three's classified, we should go there.  
Drew: Fine. But I can carry the Thing for you...to keep it safe?  
Py: Haha. I'd let you without thinking, but knowing you? (shudders)  
Drew: Hey!  
Py: Door three, Calumon.  
Calumon: No such door left. Choose another one.  
(Fifteen minutes pass by slowly (for Calumon)...)  
Py: Door three, Calu-  
Calumon: Okay, shut up! Fine! (transforms into a door)  
Drew: Freaky.  
Py: Success!  
(Drew and Py walk through the door)  
Drew: Cool...  
Py: We're in the sewers...  
Drew: Exactly!  
Py: Look!  
Drew: What is it, Py?  
Py: It's a manhole! It may lead somewhere!  
Drew: Well, of course it'll lead somewhere! Sheesh, Py...  
Py: C'mon!  
(The duo climb out of the sewers and find themselves in the streets of Toy Town!)  
Narrator: In the original version, the asteriks team misspelled "climb." Just to embarrass DigiDrew and let you readers know...  
Py: Now that's an express system I like.  
Drew: I still say we should've chosen door four...  
Py: Get over it! Hey, Monzaemon's right over there.  
Thing: You're not really going to give me to him, are you?  
Drew: Of course not, you silly cute Thing. Py, give it to Monzae-butt already.  
Omnimon's Voice: Travelers, that is a grave mistake...  
Py: Didja hear that, Drew?  
Drew: Hear what, mate? Alright, get it over with!  
Thing: You traitor! I can't believe I trusted you liars...  
Py: We didn't lie! Drew did!  
Drew: Hey, I resent that! I think.  
DigiDrew: Whoops, a typo… blushes  
PY687: Eh, nothing to worry about. As unlikely as it sounds, I've had some too. Scary?  
Monzaemon: Hello there! Don'cha wanna give me that...precious...thing...  
Drew: Did you see that evil grin on his face?  
Py: Yeah...he looks insane...  
Thing: Gah! Don't give me to that lunatic! I wanna stay with you losers! Not him!  
Monzaemon: Give me the thing!  
(Drew looks at Py. Then at Monzaemon. Then at the thing.)  
Drew: I don't think so, Bub.  
Thing: That's the spirit!  
Py: Why aren't we giving it to Monzaemon?!  
Drew: 'cause Monzaemon's a weirdo!  
Monzaemon: No I'm not! Now give me that thing!  
(With that, Monzaemon Slide Evolves into WaruMonzaemon)  
Py: What the heck, Drew? One second, you were lying to the Thing and telling me to give it to Monzaemon, and the next you don't?  
Drew: Well, when the Monzaemon starts acting like he's an insane freak, I think it's logical for me to change my mind!  
Thing: Excuse me, I-  
Py: I'm just saying, what if Omnimon has possessed you?  
Drew: Seems more to me like Omnimon has possessed WaruMonzaemon.  
Py: Maybe so, but I can't trust either of you. I'm keeping the Thing.  
Drew: What?! Wait, how do I know you aren't being controlled by Omnimon?  
Py: Hey, d'you really think I'm weak enough to do that? Ha, as if!  
Thing: If I could just say-  
Drew: Oh really? And you actually believed Blitz Shenanigan was me!  
Py: Hey, there were similarities!  
WaruMonzaemon: You guys need to shut up! I need to get on with my lines, and the poor Thing here is trying to speak.  
Thing: Whew! Thanks, Waru. Look, you guys, you're both wrong. WaruMonzaemon is a good guy (a little crazy, I might say), and so are both of ya. But it's in my nature to not want to be given to WaruMonzaemon, who will grant me powers beyond imagination and actually make me significant. But if that happens, I'll be taken by everyone! No, it's better if I just stay this way.  
Narrator: Drew, Py, and WaruMonzaemon stand dumbstruck.  
Drew, Py, and WaruMonzaemon: So...waddaya want us to do?  
Thing: That's a good question. I want you guys to...  
Omnimon: Jump off a cliff? Die of a heart-attack? Disintegrate? Explode?! Oh, wait...that's what I want you guys to do...  
Drew: Gah! Omnimon!  
Omnimon: Yes, it is I!  
Drew: I? I thought your name was Omnimon...  
Omnimon: It is.  
Py: Didn't you just say it was 'I'?  
WaruMonzaemon: Yeah, that's what I heard too!  
Omnimon: Geez.  
Thing: Hey, guys. Just keep me away from that white weirdo, please.  
Drew, Py, and Waru: Sure thing!  
Narrator: And so, the battle began!  
(The battle scene was so graphic, we had to take it out. Not because of low pay and strikes in the real world. Really.)  
Narrator: As we can all see (O RLY? What if someone is blind?), our heroes have failed, so the story can lead to them having a comeback against the evil and confused Omnimon. And...what the heck is wrong with this script? yells elsewhere off the set Y'know what, I quit!  
Py: Yay, another person who joins our cause to earn more money!

* * *

That last part, it's obvious Py is part of the strike (if not one of the founders). The strike is also supposed to be a literary caricature (if it can be called that) of the Hollywood strike by the Guilds of Writing, or whatever they were called. And if someone finds something wrong about the strike, be it inaccuracy or immorally, PM PY687 for more details, as he was the one who had written that part originally. Thanks!


	7. Parodies Galore

Editing this story so that pretty much all of the line breaks are single - hell and costs _way_ too much time. Sitting in front of your computer doing stuff - priceless, except for the energy bill. So for that part of life, at least, it takes Visa. Go and get a card!

The last chapter is finally here. I was thinking of making a "the end" page, in **bold** and in the biggest font (on FanFiction), but I thought better of it. Anyways, enjoy and wait for the next story in the series of Remedies for the Ill! By the way, it'll prob'ly be called Remedies for the Ill, 3. Just so you'll know...

* * *

Chapter VII: Parodies Galore

_In the Real World  
_Drew: So, what do we do now?  
Py: How should I know?  
Omnimon: Well, since we lost our narrator...I volunteer to be the next narrator!  
Drew: No way! You'll cause tons of painful things to happen to us!  
Omnimon: Good idea!  
Drew: Oops...  
Narrator (Omnimon): And so, our he-hey, what! No...ahem. And so, our morons take a left turn, went forward two more blocks, and ended back up with WaruMonzaemon.  
WaruMonzaemon: Now do you wanna give the Thing to me?  
Drew + Py: Yes!  
Thing: Yes! I mean, no!  
WaruMonzaemon: Too bad, Thing. (tucks Thing into backpocket)  
Drew: Now what, Py?  
Py: We should expose the ludicrousness of Star Wars! Great idea, huh? Psst, director, where's our new background set? Have you got new employees yet?  
Director (off-screen): Not yet, but we'll get'em soon. Cut, and that's a wrap, guys. Be back next month, when I've finished with my vacation in Japan.  
Drew: Hey Py, waddaya say we take this camcorder and hitch a ride with the ol' director? It can secretly become a part of our movie...  
Py: Yeah, that's awesome, Drew! Just don't let Omni- hi, Omnimon!  
Omnimon: I'm coming along to do...whatever it is you two're doing.  
Drew: Uh, no you're not.  
Omnimon: Uh huh, I will!  
Drew: Uh, no you're not.  
Omnimon: Oh man, fine! I'll go along with you guys!  
Py: That's right, Omnimon, you've gotta come along with- aw man!  
Drew: You let'im trick you - again!  
Py: Fine, you can come...  
Omnimon: Yay! So, where to first?  
Director: Wait...why is my vacation suddenly sounding a lot like work?  
Drew: Um, no reason.  
Director: Why are you guys coming with me?!  
Drew: We're not. We're only figments of your imagination.  
Director: Oh.  
Py: Yeah, you're hallucinating.  
Director: Ah, I see. I need a vacation more than I thought! Off to Japan!  
Drew, Py, and Omnimon: To Japan!

_In the director's private jet  
_Py: So guys, what'll happen to the director?  
Drew: I say we strangle 'im!  
Omnimon: Nah, choking's more fun.  
Drew: What, choking? We're not philistines!  
Py: They're pretty much the same thing, guys...  
Omnimon: Jeez, Drew, cut me some slack! I'm a Digimon, after all.  
Drew: So am I, stupid!  
Py: Guys, quit acting so immature!  
Drew: Now, you stay outta this, Py, or you'll- we're here! Why don't we just stab him to death then?  
Omnimon: Him? The director or Py?  
(Py gulps, hoping Drew says the "right" thing)  
Director (off-screen): Mark, let's get off. Here's your twenty...just don't tell anyone about this sack. And, uh, I didn't give you money.  
Mike (off-screen): You didn't? Did Jake? Oh, and my name isn't "Mark…"  
Director (off-screen): Bah, nevermind. That's not the point. Just remember not to tell anyone about me nor the sack, got it?  
Mike (off-screen): Yeah, boss. Gotcha!  
Py: Did you guys just hear that? Maybe our boss has marijuana somewhere...or illegal guns...or a contract with an "underground gang!"  
Drew: What, Py? Crazy imagination...  
Omnimon: Yeah, Py! Crazy! Let's do 'im in, right Drew?  
Drew: Def'nly, Omni. (takes out knife, looks at Py)  
Py: I thought we were getting Omnimon!  
Drew: Oh, right. (swivels around)  
Omnimon: No, the director! We're getting Derek...okay?  
Drew: Oh yeah! Jeez, you guys...maybe I should've gone solo.  
Py: Wait, why're we killing 'im again?  
Drew: You brought it up...!  
Omnimon: Did something happen between when we saw the director and getting on this jet?  
Py: Yep...I think it had someThing to do with revenge...but I can't quite put my tongue on it...  
Drew: I keep getting this weird feeling...'bout a Thing...I can't quite recall...  
Director: Hehehehehe...they'll never stop me now! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
(Director suddenly realizes that there are hundreds of people around and stops laughing)  
Director: Sorry...erm...indigestion. Hehehe... Narrator: You're not supposed to know Drew, Py, and Omnimon are with you! They're your imagination!  
Director: The hell with the script! I'm taking over now (I'm the director, after all).  
Narrator: You said the h-word! gasps, faints

_Meanwhile, trailing the Director (Derek)  
_Py: The Thing, the Thing...what is the Thing?  
Drew: I can't remember...oh right, the story before the strike! What did happen to it?  
Omnimon: I threw it out.  
Py: You did what!? It might be coming back for revenge...  
Drew: Yeah, he was part of the strike.  
Omnimon: Whoops, maybe I shouldn't've done that...oh well!  
Py: Hey wait, where's Derek going off to?  
(Drew sneaks, using spy gear to look at what the Director is writing on a table in a bar)  
Drew: What the...here, I'll read it... Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, in an opposite dimension, there lived a young girl named Annabelle Earthrunner. She was to go from the darK Side to the lighT Side. Today was her birthday, and she received a Darkshield from her parents. This was what she had always wanted! Now, she will become an Idej, one who is powerful with the darK Side of the Doors. The Darkshield is the weapon for Idejes. They use this weapon to make peace with the lighT Side of the Doors, but the lighT Side obviously doesn't want to make peace with the darK Side. They wanted to create peace instead. If the reader feels nauseous, dizzy, confused, or constipated, please stop reading this story.  
Py: What the- it sounds like a new story!  
Omnimon: And a bad one, at that...  
Drew: Nah, it's pretty good! I suppose...besides, I'm running out of ideas for preparing my own script! Which reminds me, Py, you forgot to tell me about writing the next chapter last week.  
Py: Who, me?  
Drew: Yes, you!  
Py: Hm? Who's "you?"  
Drew: Py!  
Py: I'm "you?" But I thought you were "you!"  
Drew: Argh!  
Py: Oh, you're Argh? Okay then.  
Argh- I mean, Drew: I'm tired of this... It's impossible to blame Py on anything...let's just get a table and drinks.  
Py: Vodka!  
Omnimon: Beer!  
Drew: Guys, what're you talking about? We're not here to get drunk or anything...just a soda and water, alright?  
Py: (to Drew) Fine... (to bartender) I'll take two cold ones!  
Omnimon: Make that four, please.  
Drew: Jeez, guys! You can go get drunk, but I'm going to go buy a hamburger.  
Py and Omnimon: Wait for us! We want hamburgers too!  
Drew: Fine.

_Meanwhile, in a galaxy far, far away, in another dimension...  
_Annabelle Earthrunner: Yay! A Darkshield! It's just what I always wanted!  
Anabelle's mother and father: Happy Birthday, Anna.  
Drew: Gah! How did we get here?!  
Py: Rip in the time-space continuum?  
Drew: That's your answer for everything!  
Omnimon: ...um...isn't this...Derek's script?  
Py: Of course it's my excuse! Heck, how else?  
Drew: Maybe because some person here used magic...?  
Py: That's ridiculous!  
Omnimon: Guys-  
Drew: And the "time-continuum" idea isn't?  
Omnimon: Guys!  
Py: Not as much, no!  
Omnimon: GUYS!  
(Py and Drew stare at Omnimon, then ignore him.)  
Drew: Ha, as if!  
Omnimon: Shut up, ladies! Maybe we should just get to Blitz Shenanigan. That old fool...  
Py: Yeah! And guess what - he's Drew's grandfather!  
Drew: What're you insinuating?  
Py: Well, his blood just seems to be tainted by stupid people all the time...  
Drew: First, we're Digimon, not people! Sheesh...and secondly, hello? Numemon aren't exactly "pure" Digimon; we're kinda dirty with out poop. Guess who's really the stupid one, eh?  
Py: (turns beet-red) Oh yeah? What about last summer, when-  
Omnimon: Hey look, the Thing is here!  
(Omnimon points west; Drew and Py turn towards where Omnimon points)  
Thing: Hey, guys!  
Py: How'd you get here?  
Thing: A rip in the space and time continuum. How else?  
(Py smirks at Drew, who curses silently)  
Drew: Don't say...a word.  
Py: 'a word'? Why would I say that?  
Drew: Never mind!  
Thing: So...are we gonna start a new story or what?  
Omnimon: Might as well...  
(Derek jumps in)  
Director Derek: Yes! We'll call it...CLOUD PEACE!! Muahahahaha!!

_In Blitz Shenanigan's Apartment  
_Blitz: And that's what might happen if you guys don't fix the space-time continuum, by becoming friends with Omnimon.  
Py: Seriously? It's that easy? What're we waiting for then?  
Drew: My grandpa to finish his story.  
Py: Oh, right. Let's go!  
(Drew and Py become friends with the Royal Knights; everything goes back to normal.)  
Drew: Hooray, the story's done! Now for someone to edit this thing...Py volunteers!  
Py: What, why me?  
Drew: I'm already trying to do the first one, and my own stories...  
Py: So? First of all, I am too...and second of all, who cares about you? You're just a Numemon!  
(Drew swallows Py in one huge gulp.)  
Drew (muffled): You were saying?  
Narrator: Sorry for any inconsistencies with the story, but it's supposed to be a parody, after all. In fact, one made by PY687 _and_ Drew…ew… But, well, that's the end of the story! Now go onto Newgrounds and watch the videos and play the games there. Or…do somethin'. Seriously, people. I mean, c'mon! You can't just sit in front of the computer the whole day…well, you can, but still… THE END! Now go away… voice trails off

* * *

Phew, finally! Drew 'n I've been emailing each other for less than a year now, and we've actually come up with a few (Digimon-related) collaborative stories - they're only not on because of our time schedules on the other sides of the world. Unfortunately, Drew and I have many other things to do (yes, now's the time to gasp), and we're not always on to continue our stories 30/8. Heck, there aren't even thirty hours per day, much less an eight-day week (that'd be torture for you students out there)! But anyways, a bit more detailed info: Drew is a Numemon who, and I quote (abridged), "Um, I am green. I have three purple spots on my back, white teeth, long tongue, and big eyes; also hotheaded, amazing, awesome, all-powerful, extremely good-looking...and I have a pet SkullGreymon, smartly named Mr. Tinkles. I am best known for saving the Numemon race by defeating Omegamon X. I'm great friends with Py, and - oh! - my name is Drew!" Py, on the other hand, is your average boy who has a Digivice, and etcetera or whatever. Drew had helped Py before, in saving his Digimon (friends), and that's what mostly sparked their friendship. Before the terrible incident at the forums, Py and Drew contacted each other with the Digimon CCG PM system, and now use plain ol' email.


End file.
